hurting

so why is it that even though i'm supposed to be wiser and more mature i still care about what others think of me? this last week i had an "incident" that has caused me to do some serious self-assessments...who am i? what do others see when the look at me? when they get to know me? how are my relationships viewed? oh this isn't coming out right. i won't post on here what the situation was, but a longtime friendship may have been severed and saying that i have been hurt by it would be an understatement. and yet, i really do care how these people think of me. cause i am not what they said i am, and i want them to know it. i want to defend myself and scream and shout. i want to yell until i'm heard. but responding back will just add fuel to the flames. i'm a mom, a teacher, a wife...i have a life that is very far away from the profanity and vulgar comments that were hurled at me this week. and yet, it is not far from my thoughts. it is very much at the forefront of everything i've been thinking about. so maybe if i write it out here it will alleviate some of the tension that is inside of me. maybe.... but the hurt is still there, and maybe for a long time.